FromPrisonToProfessor: B73) I should have quit the job

Friday, August 3, 2012

B73) I should have quit the job

It took six months before I found out my security clearance was approved permenantly. Immediatly upon finding out about my security clearance I sat down at my desk and typed up a letter of resignation.

There was no hesitation. I remember thinking, my work here is done.

"Goodbye"

I never sent that resignation letter in. While typing the letter I realized there was another victory within my grasp, the renewal of my contract. If the Federal Government wanted me to come back for a second year I would have considered that another success. Another trophy for my imaginary trophy case.

After my contract was renewed I began to feel like a sellout. This is not what I am supposed to be doing. This is not my destiny. The days began to feel like torture, like prison. I resented everything. I began sprinting to the door at five o’clock. I sprinted to the train both coming and going to work. I began to hate the job.

I went from going to work in terror every day. I worried about being fired for lack of being able to obtain a security clearance. After obtaining the clearance I went to work every day feeling a tremendous sense of pride. All the pieces seemed to be falling into place. I bought a house, a beautiful five bedroom house and I live alone. The house was four years old when I bought it. The market had been crashing. I bought the house in February of 2009. Got an FHA loan. Look at what's possible. I felt more astonishment than pride. I also began to believe my message:

“It is possible to create a meaningful life after six years in prison”

It didn’t last. The feeling of joy and pride. I was supposed to move on. Do meaningful work. Go back and help those most in need. I was now feeding my lust for possessions.