B28) The accident (part 1)

The accident part 1

April 22^nd, 2009 6:35 am. On my way to work and riding my new VTX1800. Speed approx. 45mph

I was experiencing yet another occurrence of my instincts developing vocal cords and a voice.

Today’s message:

“Get ready to jump”

I did not like the sound of that message, ominous overtones! The weight of impending doom descended down upon me as I road to work.

Having been down this road before with my vocalized instincts in tow, I began preparing for a situation that would require me to jump off my motorcycle. The bike had great platform under my feet. As I road down the street I lifted myself off the seat. I began to prepare to launch myself off the bike. I imagined a car shooting out in front of me causing me to jump. Or die.

I saw the car and the instincts chimed in:

“This is the car. Get ready”

I was heading north on Douglas. I’d just crossed Rt.34 in Oswego.

I began to argue with my instincts verbally:

“No it’s not”

Response:

“Yes it is”

Back and forth we went in this futile dialog

“No”

"Yes"

“No”

"Yes"

At the last second the car being referred to in the oncoming lane crossed over into my lane and drove through me like I wasn’t even there.

The voice was right.

The voice warning me, telling me to jump, It was right but it did not help. I froze. Like a dear in the headlights. When the car crossed over into my lane I froze.

(One of my thoughts)

I'm such an idiot. I could have jumped my way to a situation where my leg was not as badly broken. This thought has crossed my mind countless times since the accident. It haunted me for a couple of years. I could have jumped.

About 18 months ago I went to the accident scene. I parked and walked to the location I end up at on the side of the road.

My adrenal gland was switched to over-drive. Waves of adrenaline were coursing through my body as I stood there and relived the horror of it all over and over again.

"Why didn't I jump"?

I got an answer.

"It could have been much worse if you had jumped" the voice whispered into my ears.

It happened so fast.

All I could do was witness the accident.

Violent. The impact was incredibly violent. It was the most violent experience of my life.

I slammed into the front of the car so fucking hard it knocked me senseless. I felt myself catapulted from the bike. I went up the gas tank and into the motorcycle’s windshield. I went into the car. Then through the car. Then over the car.

I hit the street and began to tumble and slide. I ended up on the shoulder of the road face down. It's bad. I knew that immediately. I rolled over onto my back, took off my gloves and helmet and sat up. I had to see it. My leg. I needed to see it. The pain made it clear I was in trouble.

I sat up to assess the situation. What a horrific sight. No one can prepare to see something like that. It looked as if my leg had been torn off below the knee. Almost. All the tissue was gone around the knee. No skin or tissue. My knee cap was gone having been ripped off. I saw only bone. Bone on bone.

It looked amazing. I remember thinking, I bet they can fix that.

Part of me was in absolute awe at the sight of my leg. The bone so clearly visible looked much different than I expected. It had a whitish and bluish color. All clean. Very Clean. It looked so nice and clean for some reason. I guess it was the absence of any blood which seemed to be an incongruity.

In a crushing fashion the tissue had been filleted right off the bone around the knee. The tissue ripped off and absolutely no blood. How puzzling. That can't be right.

Where’s the blood?

Maybe it’s going to erupt any second?

I thought about taking off my belt to tie around my leg above the knee for a tourniquet, for the blood that should be spouting like a fountain or running like a faucet or at the very least a trickle but nothing.

Where’s the blood?

The knee was a wreck but below the knee was worse. My Tibia and Fibula had a new and exciting configuration. The pain resulting from the new matrix of my leg made it difficult to breath.................................................. and talk............................................................ and think.

Oh my God. The PAIN!

Though I could not see my ankle it had been shattered and that was something I could feel. My foot had been crushed and split in two. This was something else I could feel. The pain coming from the fractures was overwhelming. It felt like giant, tremendous and all consuming waves of ice water hitting me like a linebacker. Over and over again I was pummeled. Wave after wave. The pain so great it took my breath away along with coherent thought and speech.

There was no pain from the knee trauma and that seemed odd. No pain or blood from the knee.

Inconceivable.

I heard a voice:

“Stop staring at that or you’ll go into shock”

I took the advice and lay down. As I laid there I realized there was no one around. I recall thinking, who said that? The pain quickly made that question irrelevant .

As I laid there I took a familiar pose. I reached up extending my hand to the Heavens and said:

“I’m in trouble. Send me a gifted surgeon”.

I felt frozen there with my hand reaching up. I did not want a miracle, simply a gifted surgeon. I think maybe I had my miracle for the day by surviving a head-on collision with a car while on my motorcycle.

As I lay there on the side of the road in agony I was attacked. A passerby stopped and attacked me. I think she was robbing me. Frisking me. She was keeping me pinned to the ground. This is what I thought, I'm being attacked or robbed. In a panic filled terror I grabbed the person attacking me. With all my might and the inspiration provided by however many CC's of adreanaline my adrenal glands put out. I grabbed her and threw her into the street.

It was a flashback from prison when I heard the voice say:

"Prepare to defend yourself"

I reacted.

The lady got up and stated with a fair amount of anger:

“I’m a nurse. I was trying to help”

I was quick to retort:

“Freaking me out is not helping”

With my fists raised I told her in no uncertain terms:

“Do not come near me again”!

Her response:

“Oh, Don’t worry. I won’t”!

She walked off in a big huff.

Good I thought. Now I can get back to my pain and agony.

The pain!

The sight of my leg forced me to lay back down and as I did people began to collect around me, even the lady that hit me was there. After I roughed up the nurse no one was willing to get too close. They formed sort of a semi circle around me. No one closer than about ten feet. All staring at my leg.

I heard the lady that hit me say:

"I did not see him"

I felt an irrational concern for my safety as I lay there.

A cop showed up. Wonderful. Never have I felt so glad to see a man with a badge and a gun.

Hopefully he will protect me.

Maybe he will not?

I began to wonder about this.

With the cop kneeling at my side I saw the gun in his holster and contemplated for only a brief second or two about grabbing the gun. I thought about grabbing it and firing off a few rounds while declaring to all,

"Get the fuck away from me. Now”!

It didn’t take long before I realized what a horrible idea that was. It was the pain and shock influencing my thought process.

I remember the cop saying:

“Hang in there pal. The Calvary is on the way”

It seemed like an eternity before the paramedics arrived. I could hear and see the ambulance pull up. I was looking at it with relief. Then I saw the paramedics, one man and one girl. You gotta be kidding I thought. How is she going to lift me? I weigh too much.

The pain invaded every thought. When you are in agony time becomes distorted. I remember this from prison.

As it turned out they got me onto the gurney and into the ambulance with no problem. My time on the side of the road felt like an eternity. I was so glad to see them but it hurt so fucking bad. They did not have the power to take the pain away. No one did.

The men and women working for the fire department (fire persons and paramedics) are heroes. All they do is run around town rescuing people all day long. The word “hero” must appear in the job description for they are heroes, one and all!