B34) August 1984 Tucson Int. AP

August 1984. Tucson International Airport
This was a time when you needed no ID to purchase an airline ticket.

I was on a flight bound for Phoenix then chicago. I often flew under the name Bill Church, it was my alias.  Why Bill Church? It's a great name on so many levels.

First off Bill. Bill is a great name. Bill is your friend. Bill is someone you want to know.  Bills are good, there are dollar bills and we all like those. It's a strong name but not too strong.

Bill
Billy boy
The Billster
Bill-o-matic
Mr. Bill

See what I mean.


Now for Church; What more can I say about this word and this name. POSITIVE connentations all over the place. I often told people my father was a preacher.

Bill Church is someone you want to trust.

Bill Church is someone you need to trust.

People always say "That Bill Church sure is a nice guy"

Thank you obi wan!

An announcement came over the PA system. They were calling me off the plane. I forgot who I was. It took several announcement before I realized they were talking about me. I was nervous and ennamered by the fact the U of A Hockey team was on board. It was kind of cool.

“Bill church please come to the front of the aircraft”

Sixty seconds later:

“Bill church please come to the front of the aircraft”

Sixty seconds later:

“Bill church, in seat 21C. please come to the front of the aircraft”

Sixty seconds later:

“Bill church, in seat 21C, gentleman wearing tan slacks and brown sport coast with a mustache. please come to the front of the aircraft”

The flight attendant was thinking

"Does this idiot not even know his own name"?

When it finally hit me they were calling for me I had to fight instant panic. Everyone was looking at me and looking annoyed for the lack of my response during numerous annoucements.

I was unable to explain I had forty pounds of weed in my luggage and was very nervous. Sorry, I forgot the fake name I was using. It wasn't something I could blurt out to everyone.

Situation: I’ve got forty pounds of weed in my luggage and I am being called off the plane.

This does not look good.

I got up and headed for the front of the plane where three flight attendants stood looking upset.

As I approached them I asked:

“Is there a problem”?

Apparently they took the incorrect portion of my ticket and needed to correct the error.

I went back to my seat and ordered a double vodka. This was going to be a long fucking flight.