B62) Court appointed lawyers (part 1)

The detective perjured himself during my trail. I can prove this on appeal. This is the reason for the  appeal. When I prove the detective lied on the witness stand I get to walk. Not only will I be freed, I get to sue the detective, personally (his car his house his monies would be mine). My trail lawyer told me when the cop went outside the bounds of the law in his efforts to catch me he opened his self up personally for criminal and civil damages. I can sue him and the police department for their illegal actions.

Years I was investigate. Time and time again they came close. Eventually they got me, at the airport. They had an informant giving them info on my travel plans. Was the informant my wife?  As it turns out I did not know my wife as well as I thought.  The cops were waiting for me. No one else knew I was on my way to the airport. It doesn't matter at this point.  If one of us had to go away I'm glad it was me. I'm very okay with it. My wife would not have been able to overcome something like prison. Years in prison. It would have destroyed her. Prison made me stronger. It awakened the sleeping giant within me.

It did not matter that the person testifying against me in front of the grand jury was my wife's best customer.  The time for this to matter has long passed. It was not the beginning of the end for  it was the end the end. The only thing that mattered in the end was who would be with our daughter? I much preferred it being my wife.


It's all my fault. I should have quit. I knew I was a target. I was under investigation. I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop myself.  I needed my drug, my fix. The work. I was addicted to the  work. I needed to stay busy like a drug trafficker does. I needed the adrenaline rush. I needed more. more. more god dam it! I want that fucking drug coursing through my body. Through my bloodstream. Adrenaline. I need adrenalin. I love adreanline. I want more. More. More.

I want

I need 

More.

More.

More.

To be right on the edge of living and dying. To be right on the edges of freedom and incarceration.

I'm all in.

I'm playing for all the marbles.

Back to the point:
Years I was investigate. When they finally got me red handed they fucked it up. The cop had to lie about what he did at the airport when he arrested me. All that work done, hours spent, money spent, manpower. Lots and lots of effort and the only path to a conviction for the prosecutor was to have the detective perjure himself.


It's comically stupid.

After the jury found me guilty of possession of marijuana my trial lawyer turned to me and said:

"I'm sorry. The conviction will never stand on appeal. I will testify as to my mistakes when in court for your appeal. 

I should have stood up immediately and told the judge what my lawyer said. To put it on the record.

She looked exhausted . Her tired and over worked incompetence cost me a conviction. I believed her when she said she would file the Rule 32 and testify. She did file the Rule 32. She did a great job at that. She was great at filing simple motions. Things got tricky when it was time to do your job and be a lawyer defending me. 

It was the night before the trail. The public defender stopped by the jail to have a pretrial conference with her client.  We began going over the facts of the case. She was going by the "story" the cops told her. My own lawyer never prepared a defense based on the truth and facts.  It was horrific news on the eve of the trail. My lawyer had not prepared a defense based on the truth and facts.

The trail did not go well.

Fact: The typical prosecutor has half the caseload of the typical public defender. That's not fair to the public defenders and it's especially not fair for the defendants. Because of the Constancy involved with utilizing the public defenders office.

My court appointed trail lawyer filed my Rule 32 (appeal for ineffectiveness of counsel). When the day came to be in court my trail lawyer/public defender nowhere to be found. My Public Defender was not good to her word. She decided I would pay for her incompetence. Me alone. She would never be held accountable for her incompetence as my lawyer.

When the day came to be in court for my appeal, for my Rule 32, guess who was absent? My trail lawyer, the public defender. The only advice my state appointed appeal lawyer had for me:

"Be a man and do the time"

Can you imagine a criminal defense lawyer saying something like that to a client. 

"Be a man and do the time"

He did not care about the facts of my case and appeal. He did not want to be a man and do the job he was paid to do. I had a path to freedom and my state sponsored appeal lawyer says:

"Be a man and do the time"

My state appointed appeal lawyer was not the least bit interested in the merits of my case or helping me in getting my conviction over turned.

I told my state appointed appeal lawyer:

"My trail lawyer told me she would testify as to her mistakes during my trail. Where is she"?

My state appointed appeals lawyer said to me:

"Why should your trail lawyer (the public defender) tarnish her reputation for you"

I responded:

"Because she made mistakes before my trail and during my trail resulting in my conviction. Isn't that enough of a reason? It's about responsibility, Isn't it? Isn't the determining of responsibility the reason for our criminal and civil courts?  I'm being held responsible for my actions. Why shouldn't my public defender be held accountable for her actions. Why shouldn't the detective that perjured himself during my trail be held accountable for his actions?

"Why shouldn't you be held accountable for your actions as my lawyer "

I said to my state appointed appeal lawyer"

Why should my trial lawyer not be held responsible for her action. Especially when her actions and gross incompetence lead to my conviction and a ten year prison sentence? Why am I made to be held accountable but no one else but all around me it? 

My appeal lawyer continued on with more of the same. His argument was:

"Be a man and do the time"

What an asshole my appeal lawyer was. He never envisioned I would end up a computer scientist after I got out of prison. He never imagined I would become a college professor, an IT consultant with a security clearance. None of those people ever thought I would end up with a credible voice that traveled round the world and back again on a daily basis.

Why didn't my appeal lawyer "be a man and do his job"? He was paid for his services then acted like an incompetent asshole.

With respect to the individuals utilizing the public defenders. Such a high percentage of those being represented by the public defenders consist of the poor. It's the poorest that society has been deemed "not worthy or of no value". It's the poorest of the poor in our society most often going to trail with a public defender. Time after time the people needing the most help are those getting the least help.