Wednesday, May 9, 2012

B5) First night in prison

Perryville prison located in the Phoenix area. Perryville is a low medium security prison. May of 1993 or maybe it was June.

The yard locks down at 9pm. After 9pm it was just me and my celly (cell mate). I can’t recall his name, maybe it was Frank? Frank was old, sixty five or so. Five foot nothing. A hundred thirty five pounds of shaking bones and sinew wrapped in wrinkly bag of cigarette smoke infused smelling skin. He smelled like an ash tray. It kind of reminded me of my dad. Frank demonstrated on the outside how I was feeling on the inside. Visibly uncertain about the quality of his future.
Frank was easy to read and this was not something weighing in his favor. Prison is a place you need to keep your feeling close to the vest. Especially insecure feelings. No one should know what you are thinking. They should know only what you want them to think and know. Strength. you project strength.
Soon after we get locked down for the evening the guard comes by for count. Our ID’s visible to the prison guards. Ten minutes hadn’t passed when it started. A fight in a cell very close to my cell. The sound came in via the duct work. It had to be a cell close to my cell because of the clarity of the sound. It was a brutal sounding battle. it seemed to go on forever. I sat there in my bunk listening.
After the fight was over came something much worse. After the fight came the rape. Oh my god. I was hearing it. I was hearing something I could not have imagined possible minutes ago. Minutes ago I lived in a different world, in a different reality. I remember thinking, this was like the movies. Un-fucking-believable.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. How is this possible. The sounds I heard that evening made me want to vomit and wretch. They made me want to run.
This is not how human beings act. I’m not certain of much any more but I am certain of this. Human being do not act in this manner. This is man’s inhumanity to man. This should be the title of this blog.
Trying to rationalize the situation I started writing down on a piece of paper crimes I think might warrant that type of experience. I didn’t get too far with a list before I realize there was no crime justifying what I was listening to, at least not in an enlightened society. I’m forced to remember, I am forced to accept I do not live in an enlighten society.
Eventually it ended.
My cellmate and I never spoke about what we heard. We remained silent during the whole disgusting event. We sat there in the most uncomfortable silence I’d ever been part of.
If this was day one, what could I expect from day two?
The guards walk every two hours for count. After the 11pm count it all started up again.
I remember thinking, again, no. no. no. no. this cannot be happening again. THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE!
But it was possible. I was hearing it.
Another battle. This battle did not last as long. It was followed by another rape. More begging. More pleading. more inconceivable horror.
This is Hell on Earth.
My thoughts turned to his crimes (the man being beaten and raped). I wonder what he did to end up in prison. Was he a guilty of GTA (grand theft auto), maybe burglary, or armed robbery. Maybe he was a drug dealer? It didn’t matter. There is no possible justification for such behavior.
In the morning when they let us out of our cages we were made to stand at attention just outside our cell doors for the count. It took all my will not lean forward, look both ways and try and figure out who the combatants were. I wanted to say something. Something like
“what the fuck was that last night? Who was that? I demand to know”
Prudence dictating I keep my mouth shut and remain silence on the issue. For now and ever more.
We went to chow and then on to the indoc (indoctrination) process.
I was positive beyond any doubt this evening would be a great deal quieter. I could not have been more wrong. Night two was a repeat performance of night one. I can’t figure this out. Who would get back in a cell after that type of experience? It’s madness and this place is like a medieval insane asylum.
Correction, It’s not like a medieval insane asylum, it is a medieval insane asylum. This is the criminal justice system in action.

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